どっち？

I wonder which can amuse me more.
The fact that I can mess myself over
or
the fact that someone else can mess me over?
Which would trick me more?
Screw me up more?
Help me run away more?


falling parachutes
=jyoujo @DA
Make sure to check =jyoujo's gallery on DA. It's really pretty.

Which one?

Honestly, I thought I felt safer in my own hands, but that might not be the case anymore. Right?

Maybe I don't know which buttons to press anymore.
I'm not certain what I'm holding now.
Which control pad I have in my hands.
Which controller I'm supposed to use,
to win this game.
In the midst of this confusion, I'm losing.
I'm being shot.
I'm being hunted. Down.

They're not sure what they're looking for. They're not sure what I have.
So they keep hunting me.
To find it. To find it,
because they know I have it.

Every time I'm shot down, I make a new one.
I make another one.
I make another world, another me, another person, another part.
Until they shoot her down.

Which makes me run.
Run, run, run.

Until I'm not sure what I'm running from anymore.
I forget and stumble and fall.
I could make it up by making another me.

Make it up.

I can't erase, but I can make it up.
I can promise.
I can run again.

But then I'm just running.
I'm just running.
Runners are cowards.
They're losers.
They lose early in the game.
They die young.

In horror films, they are the one that is murdered first.
Because they're so scared, they only think about saving themselves.

I've lost my dignity.
I've gain my shame.
I've lost my freedom.
I've gain my disgust.

Nothing's stopping me now.
I'll die with all this power clinging on my back.
They can't stop me.

I wonder which will amuse them more.
Making me live with this torture, or seeing me die with what they want.
ウミ