hm... what to say, what to say.

First off, what happened to your blog Nina? ;A: I'll have to change the link again on my page. puhaaa~

I'm going to write a story. Once again, this is a story.
WARNING! Long story. Gross shit. Dark. Medieval. Implied murder.
don't read if you can't handle medieval gross shit.


Recently, the kingdom has been falling. The power and respect the king once had, is crumbling before the eyes of the followers. The preachers no longer have anything to preach, the peasants no longer have the will to work or fight, and the knights and bishops have all run away to other kingdoms to find jobs. This kingdom is falling, and soon, all power will be tossed into the hands of the weak and poor peasants. Nothing can be done.

I don't believe what I hear. Everyday, the old ladies down the street are gossiping. They add lies to the lies, and I deny what my mother says, causing arguments and disagreements between her and I. Today, she sent me off to find bread to buy, but she knows I can only come back with sugar for the few pence she had given me. I've looked around everywhere in the neighbourhood already, but have found nothing close to resemblance of a bakery. I feel lethargic and unwilling to continue my search, but I hear the king may be selling some supplies today and hurry over to the palace. Once there, I decide to ask the priest for some advice. Should I believe the lies that are spreading? Or should I continue to deny them and fight with my mother? I do not wish to rebel against her, but on days like this, she seems ignorant and I feel I am right. The priest tells me that I should stay true to my beliefs and continue to deny them. Let the word out that these are all lies. Re-assured, I hurry to find the king's messenger or even the king himself. Recently, his grace had been allowing even us mere peasants to speak with him directly. I believe he has opened his heart and decided to listen to the pleas of his followers, which has made me respect him and take hope that our kingdom will be revived once again.

As I turn into a corridor, I hear his majesty's voice. Smiling, I hurry over, but freeze when I hear a ear deafening scream, that reverberates into my blood stream and turns every drop cold. Gathering my wits and courage, I walk to the door from which I heard the scream. I realize it is a man's voice, and he continues to moan and groan in pain, sobbing and panting like he is suffering a great deal. The door is slightly open, but I'm too afraid to open it any further. I try not to look in, and only listen to the highness's words.

"Fool! Scum! Useless!" the man continues to grunt and sob, and I realize he is being beaten with each word my highness spits at him. "What have you done?"

"N- Nothing, your highness..." the man croaks out, "I have b- brought h- happiness to... to h- her majesty. She... P- Please..."

Suddenly, I hear a loud thump, and when I look into the opening of the door, I see the man has been thrown to the wall. My heart begins to feel dread and my mind brings up the suggestion to run away, but my feet are bolted to the divine carpeting and my eyes transfixed on the sight before me. Even my ears are straining to hear what my majesty's words are going to be next, and what the man has done wrong. I am a child in the eyes of everyone, but not quite a woman. The sight of a naked man, bruised, bleeding, and crying is my first sight of a naked man and a crying man. Those are the only thoughts in my mind as the next few words my majesty says are attached to the sight.

"What did she tell you? She told you to kidnap those harmless children? She told you to do what? Where are they? In her room? Are they tied up? Gagged? What did she tell you to do? What have you done?" The king sighs, kicking the man once again, "Are you not listening to my orders? Have I not told you not to listen to her orders? That my orders are absolute?"

"Y- Yea, I- I am listen- listening to your majesty's orders, b- but, she, she t- threatened m-me. She... her- her majesty s- said if I didn't d- do as she t- told, I- I would end up like those children," the man began to cry once again, gaining control of his voice again, he sobbed and said, "She said she would replace me for them. She would tied me up like them. Torture me like them, or just simply slaughter me like she has done to those children before. I'm sorry, your majesty, I'm sorry, but I don't want to die. Not like that. Not by her. Please forgive me. Please."

The king backed away now, and I'm not sure what happened after that.

The sight was buried at the back of my heart. I ignored it and denied it. I remembered what the priest said. That was all a lie. What the man said, what the king did to the man, what he demanded to know. When the thought crept into my mind, I speculated that the king seemed to already know. That the kidnappings from the past few years were all done by the queen, and his majesty knew all about them, but I pushed the thoughts away by working. I was glad when mother told me to go out to find food or to work for the merchants for a few extra pence. I was happy to pretend like I hadn't seen anything. Although, one day, one of the king's messengers was sent out to fetch me. I followed, remembering to erase the memory and act like I hadn't seen what I did.

I was greeted by the king once I entered the kingdom. He led me to his chambers, and told me to sit. This was the same room that man had been beaten in. No, there had been no man, there had been no beating. The king was here to propose something to me. I just simply had to accept. Right?

The king started off with casual greetings and offering some cookies. I ate and sipped at the fragrant tea as I listened to his chatter about some things. Then finally, he introduced to me his daughter. The princess. Not much was heard about her. She didn't like to speak and that was a good thing, she looked like a delicate lady and she gave off a much more elegant air than I. Instantly, I respected her and when his majesty finally told me of his proposition, I agreed to be her friend.

We started off playing with dolls and exploring the kingdom. She showed me every nook and cranny in the palace, and I showed her the world outside the palace. Although, soon, I could no longer play with her. They told me her mother, the queen, didn't want her outside. She sat at the window, near the palace gates, gazing out in her white dress, and pretty eyes. I would visit her from time to time, but the palace was never as exciting as it was for her outside. Although, I unconsciously watched her. I watched her movements when I was with her, I watched the king's, and I watched the queen's. Even outside of the palace, I watched the guards, the merchants, and... even my own life.

Eventually, I understood everything the king did. I understood it all.

Inside the palace,

The queen,

Children

I

The man. The man I had seen beaten by the king. I asked about him. I asked around if people knew him. When they asked me why I was asking, I told them I was interested in him. He worked for the king. He was a respected man. No one judged me for my fake love-interest in him. He was a good man. I asked the princess about it. She told me, "Don't talk about him. He doesn't exist anymore." I nodded and forgot about him. I didn't see him in the palace and it seemed as if he hadn't been around town lately. I knew there was something wrong, but I didn't dare ask. I didn't dare. There was something wrong.

I figured out the king was reviving the town. I basked in the glow of that revival. I was happy, but as I grew older, there were less children. People just said it was because there weren't many guards being hired yet. The parents mourned, but their children were soon labelled dead after three days of a missing report. That's how life went for a while. I kept my secret hidden. I didn't know anything. Until one day, I let it slip.

"Your grace, may I inquire something about your father, his majesty?" I asked the princess. Today, we were eating on the lawn, a picnic was set up. I was borrowing one of her gowns, but she still radiated much more gracefully than I.

"Yes, go ahead," she said simply, taking another sip of her tea from the porcelain cup.

"How did his majesty revive the kingdom?"

"I do not know," she replied immediately.

"Is that so? I thought you would know of all people. No matter. Have you found a prince to marry to yet?" I changed the subject.

"No, I'm waiting for a prince to come to our kingdom. I do not wish to leave. They will have to come here," she replied.

"Would it not be better for your grace to choose a befitting prince? Would it not benefit to the kingdom?" I asked.

She was silent for a moment before replying, "That may be so, but father will deal with the kingdom and mother. I wish to take no part," she took another sip from those pretty pink lips, and then added, "Be sure not to tell anyone of this matter. Do you hear me?"

"Yes, your grace. I understand," I promised her. "I have not seen your grace's mother for a while. Has she gone on a trip?"

"No," she replied flatly, "She is still in the kingdom. She is in the palace."

"Is that so? She does not enjoy the outdoors very much does she?" I inquired. When her grace did not reply, I asked her bluntly, "What does she like?"

Her grace dropped her tea cup at this point, and her beautiful white dress became stained with the red tea, like blood. I hurried her inside, but on the way, we ran into the queen. When the queen caught sight of her dress, her frown became a scowl. In her eyes, there was a gleam of... I dare not say. I am doubting myself. What I see is not real. What they say is not the truth. I cannot believe any of it.

Finally. Finally, I rebel.

I understand now that the queen, is not the queen of the kingdom. She has a slaughterhouse, far into the forests behind their palace. I... Out of curiosity, I explored into the forest. There, I found corpses. Some were half buried into the ground. Some were still barely alive. I was not frightened by the sight, but rather, many of them resembled the princess. Many of them were pretty, but were imperfect. They were not the same as the princess. They didn't come very close, but they held resemblances.

I ran away then.

Today, I'm telling the world. I'm telling the kingdom and the world. She is the queen of the slaughterhouse. She is the one controlling the king. She's the one who makes me idealize the princess. She's the one who taints her.

When this queen reads what I have written to the world, I will become like the other corpses. The other dead children will become like me.

I shake in fear...? I tremble in... anticipation.

I know her secrets. What is she to do now? I'd like her to chew it out. I'd like to see what she does next. Even if she takes my life, she will not bury my corpse. For I resemble her. Her own daughter. The princess.

I smile. She will be mine. The kingdom will not fall.
++++

ウミ