I'm going to tell you a story.

I realized, I had been in a dark, black, deep hole in the ground. I was a monster. Who didn't see daylight, who didn't know humans, who didn't-- barely lived or could be called a living creature. The world moved around me. As in, outside of my hole, people shot each other and killed and were looking for me to kill off, too. I was scared. Being underground for so long, I wanted to escape to the deepest oceans. At least it would be warm there. It'd be dark, warm, and it didn't matter if I was breathing or not, because I could feel the water move around me and move with me. I longed and ached for the waters... I held my breath in the hole for years, suffocating myself, imagining I was in the ocean. I felt so sure, even if I died from lack of oxygen. It didn't matter, as long as I wasn't slaughtered. As long as people didn't see this ugly creature and torture it, I could kill myself my own way. Slowly and surely.

But one day, a girl peeped into the hole. She smiled with her light blue cloak and balloon in hand. She had a White dress on, puffy and frilly, looking like the sky. If I remembered what the sky even looked like. She ducked her head in and asked me, her innocent and pure voice fluttering around me like cold wind, "What are you doing in a hole?"

I gaped at her. Still in my movements, and unable to feel anything. There was no fear, not a hint of it, even as she continued to stare at the monstruous and ugly me. Enrapture. I felt it. She was beautiful. Bright. Clean. Tender and loving. Perfect. I would hurt her with my voice. I would hurt her to touch. This ugly, dirty beast that was me in the form of a hideous creature. I could never dream of being able to touch or stand near this being. She was born that way. And I was born like this. 

As she pulled her head out of the hole, I got my first glimpse of the world outside again. I continued to stare. The sky was still blue, there were still clouds and the sun still shining since forever. It pooled in on me, and I wanted to escape where was I was for a minute... from the dark hole I buried myself in, but then the fear came back and I closed my eyes. I forgot the scene. I forgot the girl. I forgot. I could never have it. Never. I was born this way. I'm just being foolish with foolish hopes, foolish dreams.

She came back again and again. Looking for me, curiousity in her wide, pure eyes. I shot her angry glares and death threats of swears through my eyes. Hoping to scare her away. Hoping she would leave and not bother to be tainted by my existence, but this piqued her interest more and she came more and more often. Before I knew it, whenever she popped her head out of my dirty hole, I'd stand and peep out over the edge, my eyes lingering on her as she walked away.

Soon, she found an adorable brown rabbit, who drank and bathed in coffee. The rabbit was like me, hiding from danger and stuck in her own fears. The girl would visit me and then the rabbit. I never knew what the rabbit and the girl spoke of, but the rabbit always had scars and funny patches of colour on her felt. The girl would touch those wounds and look like she was memorizing them, giggling when the rabbit became irritated. I just watched. I stood and watched. I never spoke to the girl. Not like the rabbit, but I learned a lot about the girl even without having to speak with her. She wasn't as perfect as I thought, when I had first met her. Her dress would be ruffled a tad more on some days, sometimes stains would show on her shorts, sometimes cuts and scratches could be seen on her face or chest. I noticed, and wanted to ask, but hesitated and then went back into my hole. Not sure what I would get from knowing about her. I wavered every day.

Until one day, she stopped visiting. She stopped ducking her head into my hole, and I finally moved out of my hole. Crawling unearthly out of the nest. I looked and smelled the air. Slowly, I went around, and learned my way around the world. I tripped and fell, but I was standing again. I began to live again. One day, I found myself at the hole again. Ducking in, I looked around. A body lay in the nest I had left there a year ago, unmoving. Walking closer, I looked at who it was. And then I got scared again. Again I was scared. I began to cry. Cry. Cry.

It was me. I hadn't moved at all. I hadn't... been anywhere. Then the light was overshawdowed above me again. I turned and looked up.

There she was. Smiling at me again. Older now. She asked me, "What are you doing there? Aren't you going to look at the sky with me?"

When had I promised her that? I had been gone for so long. Where was I? What had I done? Where did I go?

Turning around I saw myself stand, then say to the girl, "Of course."

I walked away from myself then. I got out of the hole and walked away with that girl.

Now, I'm here. The hole has begun to refill itself. Lately, it has been crashing in and collapsing at my feet. The hole to the outside world is no longer there. 

I'm dying now. I hadn't even seen the sea yet. I thought I would, when I was strong enough to walk with that girl. To see the sea together. To let myself be happy. To clean myself and become as pure and bright as the sky, but I can't anymore. I can't. Escape.

I'm done.