I had to make my own YT video so the song on my page would be louder, but then I was like, oh, WTH let's add lyrics to the vid!
Yay~!
BTW, I got my blood thingy majigger today. The nurse sucks ass though and made it super painful. She was brown, too, so I didn't understand her when she was explaining to me how to do the urine sample... but I think I figured it out... I think. I still don't know my blood type, but I hope I can find out soon ^^~
It's still kind of painful, but... I'll deal with it~ ahahaha
On another note, I should probably text Sora, so I know what she's doing. I hope she's having fun in Vancouver. Too bad she didn't get to see the mini waterfalls on the trip there. They're awesome when it's raining.
Um... what else...?
Oh, right. The song on my page... I'm not sure, really. I'm not really into this genre of music anymore, but... the words, the lyrics, it feels like he's singing them to me. Like he knew... how I feel about seeing myself. I know the opening to this song is happy, and bright, but the rest of the song is so mellow. I know that's how I feel every day. I wake up and decide to go to school, with hopes and... dreams and goals, but by the time lunch comes around, I want to run away. I wish I wasn't myself. I would wish I would just... disappear and be somebody else.
Even I don't understand myself. How can I be so proud like this?
I cried the first time I heard this song. Because I knew at that point, I didn't want to look at myself anymore. I really didn't. Yet he kept telling me to look, because I knew the person everyone was looking at wasn't the person I knew myself to be.
To make it even more personal, I heard this song the day after my dad called me and asked me what was wrong with me. The day my mom came into my room, sat down, and asked me the same question. I told both of them I was fine. I know they don't know about how much I've come to realize at this age. How much I've truly grown to understand, but I wish they would ask. I wish my mom wouldn't say that I love my dad more than her, only when she's angry. I wish she would say that to me right now, so I could explain to her how much I really hate him, how much I really love her, and how much I... hate myself for being the daughter that couldn't live up to be... something. I wish they wouldn't take my word, even though I say I'm fine.
OCEANLANE just took one slice out of my feelings and hopes, and put them into this song. I can't get enough of the lyrics, because I can relate to pretty much every line. I wish I could force myself to look at how I really am and just... be honest and change, but I can't do that anymore. I'm not strong enough... not strong enough to muster up any courage and get over my excuses. To become someone capable of... I don't know, making people happy, so maybe I could at least make myself happy.
I just want to fight for happiness. Whether it's mine or not. ウミ