scorn

-noun

Definition: - open disdain; to treat or regard with disdain or contempt; to mock; jeer

Scornful

-adjective

Definition: - full of scorn; contemptuous


Would you like to know something about me?

With these scornful eyes, and this scornful attitude, and this contempt ridden existence,
I will never be happy.

Did you know that, Umi?

"So, listen to yourself."

I'm listening.

And all I'm hearing are the hateful words, the words I heard throughout my childhood, calling my thoughts to the darkness.

You're sickening. You're disturbing. You're gross. Go kill yourself, no one needs you.
No one loves you.
Don't love anyone. You'll just bother them.
Your love will just burden them.

Why is it so different for her?

Why do you have so much jealousy?

Because you don't have anything. You're jealous because you don't have it.
You might have half, less than half, more than half, but fuck it,
You don't have it.
And this jealousy eats away your charm and spits out hatred, slimy and covered in all it's essence.

I want to cover my eyes so I'm not jealous. So I can't see what I should be jealous for.
I want to cover my ears so I don't have to hear these hurtful words. The cutting truth.
I want to cover my mouth from saying these word of jealous rage. These lies like daggers.
I want to cover my existence. With a blank sheet of cloth.

The world can forget me.
Since it'll never forgive me.

Scorn is what makes your blood. The iron you need. The air you breathe.
Umi, do you understand?
I do. "I know." I do. "I understand." I don't.
Then what are you going to do to change it?
I don't know. "I will." I don't know. I won't.
Good. Okay, you can go back now.
To living? To what? Back to what? "Okay." There's nothing here, but it's own hateful eyes.

My own hateful eyes.

Scorn has become my existence. I've become a parasite. Yes, that's right. I can't live on my own. Neither can this eternal invidia. Neither can this contempt; disdain; hate.

It's eating me alive.
These eyes love me. They adore me. They are grateful to me.
They take the love I can't have, and turn it to hate.

Do you understand? Did you learn something about me?

Do you get it?