I feel my face stain with tears tonight.
I'm sick.
The heat's eating me
and I do nothing but stare at this screen.
Not even hoping to get better.
Instead I remember my childhood.
I remember that time I had a seizure, almost like in a fever.
Driving me mad. Heating me up.
Putting me in the oven, like the witch in Hansel and Gretel.
I know that house was haunted.
And it haunted me.
It knew, I was the most vulnerable prey.
Countless rats infested it every winter.
They were trying to chase us out.
The more and more I think,
the more and more I try not to.
I try not to think about my father,
about why I'm even alive,
why I think I'm trying so hard to live
When people are telling me to try harder.
I try so hard not to think
but my eyes are pooling with my tears.
Yet, they never fall.
Like being stuck in between pain and ennui.
I taste it in the air,
but who knows if it's really even there...
this pain and desperation.
It's warm though.
I couldn't feel anything else.
Not in the world.
How would you understand?
This battle of...
no, war
this war with the feeling
the chilling
and the gruesome and cruel tactics
like a slaughter house.
I want to hurl my insides out
to get rid of this dirty feeling.
I hate myself.
Why couldn't I be simply happy?
Fighting like everyone else.
fight firthgint rgifrhti
i can't do it anymore
I can't
i can't
Ittrjacant
im esmyownslaughterhouse
I'm going to kill myself.
I can't sleep
I'm scared
I'm sard
scared
scared
crying scaraed
crazy.
scared.
stop stop stop stop stopstosptopsotpeotpetjeio
no
no
nonononono
nono
nono
nonononono
I hate this.
umi
to hel
help.
not you
not you
not you
why am I living.
Why am I living?
Answer
answer
answer
I always had them
nasty
ignore.
hurt.
Just let it hurt.