Just now, after eating a watermelon with just spoons, my mom just suddenly asks me, "Be honest with me, are you still a virgin?"Like
holy fuck. I'm pretty sure I would've fallen out of my chair if I didn't have a spoon lodged into the goddamn fruit.
Okay, so like, I get where she's coming from. (LOL) I mean, there's gotta be SoOoMeTIME where we're gonna have to talk about that... since I'm not getting married and all.
It's a personal question, and she deserves to know.
BUT HOLY FUCK, I'M EATING A WATERMELON ON A BEAUTIFUL HOT SUMMER NIGHT.-sigh- To sum up
my feelings, it's like she just dropped an A bomb down on a grazing field of... I don't know, LAMBS.
It's not the
first time I've been asked about my virginity. Kiran was all like, "I text people personal things." So I was like, "O_o why?" and he was like, "'Cause. I'll text you a personal question and answer it." So I was like, fine, okay. He texts me: "Are u still a virgin?" I instead, blurt out loud, "Yeah, I am."
They seemed all like... how do I say it nicely, without sounding cocky right now? I don't remember who else was there, but Kiran and some other guy said something like, "That's a personal question." But I was like, "But if I wasn't, then I would even go as far as telling you who I lost it to. It's not a personal question to me."
In all honesty, I
really didn't understand. I mean, I don't go around asking people, "Are you a virgin?" Yeah, because that's fucking
creepy, but no, not because I thought it was too personal to ask. Like dude, go up to a thirty year old and ask if they're a virgin. >___> uhm, does that work? Most likely not.
But when my
mom asked me, I kind of understood where Kiran was coming from. Maybe, when I do lose my virginity, I'm gong to be all, "Fuck, please do not ask me that."
Maybe. Probably not though... knowing how I am and all, BUT STILL. Let's... try to think about it... as a personal question...
I mean, I don't know, I think my mom would have been... disappointed in me if I did lose my virginity. If I did fool around with guys, and if I did those things indecently, half-assed, and... how do I say it?
I imagine sex to be something more... just... when I "give myself up", I want to have no control and all control.I want to lose myself to a man who I can respect, even if I didn't love him anymore, and still look back and think I did something right, even if he isn't going to spend his life with me. I want to have no control over myself, and be lost in him in that moment, but complete control at the beginning and
understand what I'm getting myself into. When the moment fades, I want to have enough control to look back and think my actions were justified; that I was right to let this man have a part of me I can't take back. Right? Then, I could face everyone, even my mom, and tell them I "made love" to a man I truly loved rather than some guy I probably won't remember twenty years down the road.
I'll probably remember this every time I eat a watermelon now.
I'll probably remember Neji's hot love to Shikamaru, too since I'm not done Break to Breathe yet... but that's okay. >///< I want something like that. Maybe. ^^
Anyway, I need to finish Break to Breathe and then
I Come to You In Pieces, another fan fiction, but in the Bleach fandom.
Oh yeah, and Break to Breathe is from the Naruto fandom.
I don't think I mentioned that... ;D
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