Kurenai.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010, 6:17 PM
This screen cap is from episode 7.
Here's the scenario that made me inspired to post this.
The girl in the screen cap is Tamaki, and she's talking to Murasaki (a little girl at the age of 7) after being dumped. Her ex says that he doesn't want to be with her anymore, because she's violent and holds him back. After they argue for a bit, Tamaki holds up her fist like she's going to punch him, but the expression of fear on his face stops Tamaki. She buys juice for Murasaki, who was there at the scene.
Murasaki, being the good little girl she is, cheers Tamaki up, by complimenting her and saying she's better than that. The usual things us girls say to cheer other girls up, right?
But then Tamaki sees her ex. Not only is he laughing, but he's with another girl. Yes, already.
Here's the dialogue I'm taking out of the episode. English subtitles are credited to BSS fansubs, with a few adjustments from myself, just to make it run more smoothly. ;D
Tamaki: Men fool women who seem loose and weak right off the bat.
Murasaki: Fool them?
Tamaki: You know, I changed my hairstyle and clothing style, too. I even thought to myself, should I be thinner or not?
Murasaki: You're already really cool though, Tamaki!
Tamaki: That doesn't matter. Even for strong women, if they can't rely on a man, it's hopeless.
Murasaki: There's no point in relying on them if you can do it yourself.
Tamaki: Even if you're useless, it's hopeless if you don't have an attitude like, "I'm doing my best for you!"
Murasaki: "Doing my best"?
Tamaki: Even though a man doesn't need it and even though it doesn't suit him, they prefer girls who make them a hand-knit muffler. Those kind of women are the best in the end.
The one thing I liked about this scene, was that we all do the same thing. All women comfort other women by saying how great they are after a break up, but really, even if they cheer up, even if they get their confidence back, what good will it do? They'll find another man that will "fool them", because they're easy and weak. I never understood that, and I was never kind enough to say "You're already really cool..."! Instead, I say, "He was a jerk anyway! If you didn't know that, why did you date him? Why do you have to date? Why do you need someone?"
But then, the other thing I liked about this scene was that they also talked how a person feels useless if they aren't wanted/needed. If they aren't needed or wanted, they want to change. Whether it's for a loved one, or just to feel recognized, right? Yet, for the longest time, I thought like Murasaki. If you have yourself, you can live. You don't need anyone else. You can just love yourself, treasure yourself, and fight with yourself, because you'll never be able to escape. Then, in that way, you can do your best, all by yourself, without a reason or another person.
When I look at these two, I understand both of them. I wish I could fight like Murasaki, be strong like her by thinking all I need is myself, but as I get older and I understand Tamaki more. I understand that being wanted and accepted is better than fighting alone, because there lies it's own joy.
Even so, I want to fight on my own. I want to be stronger. I want to use my own strength to be stronger, so that when I do have someone who will accept me, I still have my own strength to fall back on.
So what am I doing?
My heart won't listen to me anymore. My mind wants security and wellness, but my heart won't accept that fake happiness. My heart's deaf to my mind now, and now, when neither side will listen, I can't escape.
I want to believe...
I wanna believe in something
I wanna believe that I can love again
Lyric credits: Innerpartysystem - "What We Will Never Know"