(見て、見ないで、見て、見ないで、見て、見て、見て)

I don't feel like blogging about my vacation anymore. You all know where I went.
Road-trip to Toronto. That's all you need to know.


(見て、見ないで、見て、見ないで、見て、見て、見て) by 兎魚　蓮 @Pixiv

Look. Don't look. Look. Don't Look. Look. Look. Look at me.
This is how I feel right now.

Actually, I've felt like this for a while.

I can't take it anymore.No, I couldn't take any of this from the start.

I just want to close my eyes. I'm so tired.
I just want to say I'm tired. I just want to stop existing.
I want to hurt myself. I want to damn myself. But no matter what.
I'm just too weak.
What was I expecting? What was I really looking for? What am I wishing for?
Why am I blaming myself... for all of the things I can't give to myself?
I can't even make myself confident.

I'm ugly.
But I want to be seen.
I don't want to be looked at.
Even if there's nothing to look at.

Even though, I'm nothing.
And I think that's better. Even when I was something.

I'm suffocating under myself. I'm dying because of myself.
It just hurts to be me now.

I'm just tired of being me
ウミ