It's times like these.

バッドエンド（着色）
by Miyu @Pixiv

When I'm all alone. When I can't be anything else.


And I'll say it again. I care for you.

I worry for you.

And you can fuck me for wanting to know about your life.
Because I wish I could do the same to you.

It's kind of silly.
I've never hated you enough.
If me still talking to you has anything to do with it.

And yeah, sometimes, I disapprove.
But that's only because I know I'll never have.

"Well, it's sort of like, whats more painful? Never having, or having and losing?"
"Well, yeah, but I wouldn't know which to choose. I've never had the option of choosing and losing."
"Exactly. In my opinion, having and losing is the most painful."
"Because you've been there and done that, but I've never had. I have nothing to compare to, so it's not a question anymore."

In a way, I see what you're doing. Because I've tried that.

Hiding.
Because it seems so much easier. Admitting you're a coward and playing it that way. Trying to make the world stop so you can "think", but you don't know where to start. You like so many things, but not enough to love it, and when you think you love something, the spark wets and dies. In the constant chase for passion, you just want to take a break, make the world stop spinning for just a few more moments.

And sometimes, it's unbelievable that we have to make decisions that people expect us to live through with. Like getting married and where to live. It's like they're asking us everyday, "What do you want to do with your life?" And you have to choose now, today, and everyday you put off answering is another day wasted.

But all I can do is smile at you. While you cut down everyone and hope you can find something. Find something you love.

And you can cut me down, too. No matter how much it hurts me, because I know I want you to be happy. Even though I've grown used to hearing everything and anything about you, I know sometimes you wish I would tell you the same. I know sometimes you think I'm not as open as you are with me. And it's true, I don't doubt you, but I don't care any less about you. I don't trust you any less than I do today. Or tomorrow. Or probably ten years down the road, when you might be marrying or having a kid with a better Mr. Kuma.

I keep secrets, like you do. Some things, I will never tell anyone else other than someone I can live my life with. A man who is my other half. A man who's connected to me by the red thread of fate. A man who aligns the stars in the skies and helps the moon pull the waves.

Like you will.

But we're hanging now, in mid-air, and yeah, we can't swing over and hold each other while we fall or fly. And we won't be able to help each other when and if one of us falls, while the other flies.

And that's reality.

But you can hold the gun to me, and shoot me out of your life, run away, and I'd smile and laugh at your antics. Wishing you freedom and happiness.

So you don't have to hide. So you don't have to run. And I hope you worry and care about me as much as I do for you, because I wish you would stop.

Find another way to tell me everything. To express yourself.

海