I am a Robot.

When I Get My Ears
by coca @Pixiv

Waiting to hear the ocean
or
Feel the train take me away.

It's been a while. Always. The things that hurt me most are the things of my past.

Things I haven't done in a long time. Things I haven't seen or felt or heard since then.

Sometimes, I wish I could re-arrange the order. Maybe if "this" happened first, and "that" happened after.

Maybe if I hadn't done that, and maybe if I had done that.

Maybe I wouldn't be so hurt now. So Jaded. So Cruel. So Caring. So Soft.

Because there lies the truth. I regret what I am.

There's no way around that.

And I wish... There are so many moments where I wish I wasn't so scared.

Where I wish I was stronger, but not lose my bravery.

Because that's what I am now. I'm strong, but I'm a coward. This strength is useless. I feel the same emotions turn in me over and over again, and I can't keep it still.

I feel so restless, but all I want is peace.

Tonight, my dad wants to take me, my brother, and obviously Nina out to eat, but I don't want to go. I don't want to hear all the stupidity again. All the ignorance. All the arrogance and haughtiness from him.

Some random stranger's rule over a part of my life I'm meant to control makes me angry.

I've already decided not to go.

Instead, I'm going to look for a recipe or ask Nina to bring home food.

Fuck off.

海