Prince. (Part II)
Friday, April 6, 2012, 3:57 PM
染まりたいその青
by mooz @Pixiv
You, with your beautified words and boyish charm.
You, who made me feel safe and normal.
You, who saw me for what I wanted to be,
Not who I am.
It's always easier to believe that you can be something else
Something entirely different
When someone else believes the lie as well as you want to.
He was the reason I couldn't give up.
He was the reason I tried so hard to learn to love, learn to be kind, learn to know what it's like to feel like a woman, and less like a neglected child.
He made me feel as if I could love.
As if I could be the girl on the other side.
That I could stand up, hold up, and be beautiful.
He made me feel...
I want to say loved,
But he really only made me feel like a lie at the end.
There was just so much then.
So many times I wish he wouldn't call me beautiful,
So many times I wish he would be honest with me,
As I wish I was honest with him,
But those are things that are considered "too much to ask".
As he is kind, and selfish, and different, and nothing as how I wished he was.
He was not the prince I made him out to be.
To this day, I believe he was what I needed.
Kindness in a lie.
Confidence in a conceited mask.
And uniqueness in a bitter-sweet love.
You were what I needed,
But you were not, and are not, and will never be,
My prince.