you're just so ungrateful

水色 by RAN @Pixiv


There are things I never said, because I didn't think they needed to be said.

Things like, I was abused, I was bullied, I was abandoned, I was neglected.

Things like, I forgot how to eat, I forgot who I was, I don't know what happiness is.

These are things I don't take for granted.

These are things I'm still trying to forget and move on from. I can't learn from them anyway.

These are mistakes I have to fix. These are mistakes I have made. I had chances. I didn't take them. That's all. That's it.

But you.

You had people. You had love. You had something.

But every time, you ignored it, and you never made up for it.

Even now, what are you doing? I'm standing right here.

This isn't about money or about my problems or about how we're going to get there.

This is about how I need you sometimes, and you forget me, and you lie to me about how you don't forget me.

This is about how I forgave you when I had a fragile state of mind, a mental instability, and a broken hopeless home, and you forgot about me.

This is what happens every time.

Nothing good has ever happened in my life without starting out bad. I've listed them, in my mind, and now, in my soul. My life has become an intangible abstract noun synonymous to sadness, hopelessness, and negativity. The only thing in my life I can remember starting out normally and perfectly decent are my feelings for Rob, but even that turned quickly into a slow-motion train wreck. I gave that up. It was and is the right choice.

I'll always be forgotten.

At the back of everyone's mind, near their ear, buzzing and quiet and sad.

I'll be gone soon.

I've been taken in again. I hope you're happy about this, at least.

One less worry.

海