sometimes I realize I'm not really here

むだいく by たえ @Pixiv


I'll wake up sometimes and I'll question why I'm awake.

I'll get up sometimes and press a button that opens up the world I see.

Sometimes I'll get up and I'll press food into my mouth, but even though I chew and I chew and I chew I'm never satisfied or full.

It's gets too hard to swallow after a while.

I'm awake today. I'm breathing today. I'm alive today.

But wouldn't it be better if I wasn't.

I'm upset that I can feel. I'm upset that I can touch cold and hot. I'm upset that I have to. I'm upset that my skin crawls and that I'm rotten inside.

I wish I knew I wasn't wrong. I wish I knew that I can do the things I pretend I can.

I wish I was how I was like before. Simple and clean and easy to understand.

Now I'm tired and tied and weary and down. I'm not good enough to be human. I don't deserve the life I live. I'd trade it for a better soul any day. I'm sorry that's the way it is.