Fairy godmothers aren't real.

パス by たえ @Pixiv


I once had a grandmother who saw me as a good girl,
but I had a hard time believing her.
At the time that she knew me and I knew her,
I had been fascinated with Cinderella and her fairy godmother so I had seen her as my saviour.
She was a good Christian woman who went to church,
and I had gone to Catholic school but I had never paid attention to the ceremony at mass.

She saw the white gates of Heaven,
and didn't see my mother's greedy hand stuffed up to her shoulder with debt.
She chose to see God,
but chose to ignore my chest fluffed with stones of anger and feminine strife.

She wanted to see a good Christian girl,
but I was neither white nor pure in her Christian eyes.
Her son was six and I was eight, and her husband didn't want us sleeping in the same bunk bed.

I had always wanted to be right.
I wanted to be right no matter what the argument was, small or big.
I would lie if only I was right. I didn't care if I was actually wrong, I wanted to feel right.
I have never wanted to be a good girl, just the "right woman".

And I still remember what these people did to me.
Ten years and I still remember the feeling of being seen as a body ready for sex at age eight. The feeling that my breasts made me "wrong" when I had no idea what was even happening. The feeling that I was always doing something wrong if I even sat next to my godfather.

God forbid I be a woman.
God forbid my body from growing and maturing or else it no longer be a "temple".

I had a hard time believing I was a "good girl", because I was already becoming a right woman.