Good News & Bad News

20140302く by つよ丸 @Pixiv

I've been feeling a center of calm lately.

It's weird and I think it might be tied to being friends with this guy (which I'll get into in a second), but it's nice either way. I want to be with someone for the first time in a while, and not in a purely sexual way, just in a nice platonic best-friends kind of deal.

It's maybe more strange because he's male. I don't know, I never thought it would effect me this much, but I guess it does.

I don't know if I've updated since I've moved, but I'm no longer living in that hell hole where I wanted to kill myself.
Moving locations has probably dislocated my association with that place and my depression, and that's a good thing.
Of course, there are various other reasons, but you know, that's the main one.

This place might be a little better, my mom has gotten a lot better with cleaning the fridge more often, and Trisha moving more often has given my mom more chance to clean out her car. It's nice. It's better.
There are still annoying fruit flies though, and they're in my room now that there isn't an upstairs, but I'm dealing with it. Kind of.

I got a job. Thanks to Trisha, and it's not bad, I like it. The people working there makes things tough, but mostly, I like the work.
Which leads me into talking about this boy. Haha, that sounds almost romantic, but I've noticed him for a while. He's quite lovely, though I'd never tell him that. I knew him first as the kid with the afro, and then as the kid with the same name as my brother.

I dunno, it's kind of funny to me because his friends from high school used to call him Zoro. He's really kind of lame, but whatever, he's really cool. I guess that doesn't make much sense. God. I don't know anything about what I'm feeling, he makes me laugh and he's not annoying at all, so I guess that's all that matters. I really want him to meet Lola and Jerome, but we'll see how that works out. We haven't even hung out alone yet.

I've been feeling sick and broken lately too. But god do I miss Hong Kong like a second limb. I can already feel the humid wind on my skin and the tasty food and the atmosphere in the restaurants. I love it and I want to be back there already. Sometimes it makes me sad that I don't want to go back to meet my family and talk to them. I just want to travel there to shop and have fun and eat good food. Anything is better than living here with my mom. I just want to be independent and live with Trisha and spend my money they way I want, instead of paying for my mom. Sigh. I know everyone says, "That's your mom you're talking to." Except I know mothers who are still working who still support themselves, if no one else, but I'm stuck working to support my mother, and scared to spend my money. Everything is just. I just get upset about it.

This post is getting so long, but only because I haven't updated at all. I'll try to post more, and try to keep it updated on the actual things happening in my life and not the emotional mess inside my head.

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