I'm so tired again.

The weariness of decaying and crippling myself over and over again.

My last post was so happy. So joyful I finally met someone I could rely on and trust.

Someone who wouldn't leave me for someone better. For someone who could give him "more".

Now look at me.

I'm living with Nina and Edwin and things are so hard.

My mom told me it would be. I knew it would be, but it was so easy in the beginning.

I'm so exhausted now. I keep trying to communicate and talk to him, but they just keep shutting me out.

I'm not supposed to be the outsider here. I'm supposed to be deeply tied and and entangled between them and they're not supposed to separate without me.

So why did he do that?

It hurts so much, to even think about it. To think about where I am, what I have, and in the beginning I thought I finally had something that would make me happy. I should be working to make this be my happy place. This is where I'm gonna belong forever.

He just doesn't want me to have that though.

I'm trying to prioritize the things I want with the things he wants. I want to, but it doesn't ever look like it's working out.
I'm so frustrated. I'm so sick and tired and I'm so depressed.
I'm so fucking depressed.

I'm driving myself nuts.